What does it mean to find yourself?

Courtesy of personal development.me

Moment of Reflection

To be truthfully honest I have never really understood that term. For a long time I have pretended to know what it means but giving it a second thought made me realize that I had no understanding after all. This began to raise some questions in me:

1) What does it mean to find yourself?
2) Finding yourself implies losing yourself, so how would that have happened?
3) Is it not possible that you were cool, calm and collected (for a given period in time) at some point in your life?

The other thing that puzzles me is how this has become such a big deal. Not that I am belittling it, the main concern is why a lot of people (if not most) are so caught up in  “a search for who they are” only to come up empty-handed time and again.

Thinking about the phrase, “find yourself” there seems to be a core similarity, or at least connection with that and “discovering your purpose.” Are the two not one and the same? From what I can tell they seem to be quite vast in their difference. Your purpose has to do with:

a) Your reason for existing
b) Separating you from existing to living
c) Answering the “fulfilment” (why) question
d) What your dream is

Finding yourself has to do with
a) Answering the “inner conflict” (who) question
b) Establishing an identity
c) What makes one different and unique
d) Making a name for oneself

Solving the matter
As I said before finding yourself implies losing yourself. The question, therefore, is when, where and how would you have lost yourself? The only thing that comes to mind is belief.

What do you believe?
Some suggestions I have for finding yourself are:
i) Write down all your core beliefs
ii) Ask yourself why you believe those things
ii) Ask yourself how you came to believe those things
iv) Write down as many possibilities as you can e.g. friends, teachers, coworkers, parents, siblings, TV shows & movies (be specific), strangers, acquaintances, extended family members (be specific).

I have learned that you portray who you are by what you do so that means the key ingredient to helping one come back together may be found in their gifts and talents. In addition to that the crucial and vital need to stay in focus.

Don’t lose focus
That’s something I very often told my little brothers and my friends whenever they competed against me either in video games or social activities and had a hard time defeating me. This instruction holds true for the one who is soul-searching. I believe the reason for a loss for a deeper meaning (which is what I consider the definition to be) is found in a lack of focus. There is no focus on the dream. No focus on the goal. If there is some focus, there clearly isn’t enough.

Steering clear from all kinds of distractions (which may be the temptation to alter one’s belief; spending too much time with the wrong people; being lectured far too many times and given numerous philosophies in the process, leading to confusion; placing their identity in a person, people or thing, an unnecessary vulnerability because of the pain that accompanies the loss), staying focused becomes easier.

I have come to realize now that with all the above taken into consideration, there is not that much of a difference between purpose and identity. If you know what you were born for that makes it easy to understand more of who you are. On the other hand if you know who you are (beyond heritage and more into self-worth and confidence) but are not sure what your reason for existing is (until you do you won’t be living), you are still open to exploring various possibilities and with, at the very least, a positive attitude, you are able to come close to finding the answer.

What suggestions do you have for finding yourself?
What do you think about the link between purpose and identity?


  1. Absolutely brilliant, eye-opening and a revelation. What I have considered time and time again to no avail has been put in such simple terms before me. I have never sat there and really thought about the question I was asking myself but rather sought out the answer. I should have known, anyone would know, seeking an answer to a question you do not truly understand is as well off as searching for a one ended stick. This post has opened my eyes and given me the knowledge to take the next step in search of my true self. To whoever wrote this, thankyou, so very much.


    • I am so glad you have been encouraged by this and my hopes is that more lives are touched and people impacted in a big and positive way so that their lives are enriched and have a greater meaning in the process. Thank you so much for your input.



  2. Dear Tarisai.
    May I begin by saying Great post. However I recently loss my husband to cancer and I’ve been so use to taking care of him and my sons that I don’t know what to do or where to go. I am in a air space like I’m here but not. I’ve been told several times that I need to find myself and I’m like I know who I Am but after reading your post today I’m like do I really KNOW me? I will begin this journey today asking the questions you posted hoping for a true direction on repurposing myself. I believe I’m very distracted and that must be eliminated first but I’m ready to put in the work and be HAPPY! Thanks Mrsdjst


  3. I think the meaning to find your self is also the same meaning is to know your self!! It is something some of us do to understand the meaning of love, life and happiness!!! God has a purpose for all of us here on earth , so until we are gone and sent up to heaven then let be the best friend neighbor and love one we can be!! God bless Annette


    • Yes, knowing yourself is where it starts, when you break down the components of that, beliefs talents and so on, then operating in love and discovering what God purposed for you becomes that much easier. Taking it a day and a step at a time is where it matters most.


  4. To me, I think that “finding yourself” and the meaning, is very subjective. I think that it is similar to the meaning of love. It is different for everyone. When I think about finding myself, I think of finding the things that make me happy. Finding the things that trigger inner peace. Humans are not made to be cooped in a house surrounded by electronics. I believe the best way to find oneself is to strip away all of those things, and go on a kind of “soul-searching journey”. I talked to a professor who went on a 1700 mile bike ride journey. He told me he discovered a lot about himself. I am recently obsessed with these “soul searching journeys”. Meeting new people, pushing your mind and physical self to the extremes. Seeing how you react to things. Basically, getting to know your self like the back of your own hand.


    • I do agree, part of the reason why I believe it can be a tough thing to discover is because the community feel and experience is lost thanks to electronics, like you mentioned. Gone are the days where everyone basically knows everyone in the neighbourhood, due to keeping to oneself. The intimate connection, seeing the glow in one’s eyes, the shine in both the look and sound of laughter is lost, along with that, an opportunity to chance upon something vital for the soul-searching journey. Travel may be the only real way to achieve it in this day and age.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. To find a manor of correcting most of the negative moments of the past that have left incorrect self beliefs in your sub conscience mind. This
    sets up your sub conscience to accept new beliefs by which you will find yourself. You take out the old and bring in the new you. There are are a number of ways to do this and they all create freedom.


    • True, it’s the idea of learning to reflect in the first place that most may not even realize was possible. I think the one obstacle the sub conscious may have in accepting new beliefs is unlearning the old ones. Comfort and tradition serve as major barriers to open-mindedness, of which changing the mindset towards them bit by bit, is a step in the right direction.

      Thank you for your feedback



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