The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
Trust: Access Issues
The most interesting thing I have observed in my own life is how much I have changed privileges with regards to the level of trust I have with both specific individuals and generally everyone else. It literally is a rollercoaster case. Some times I base my decision to trust someone on my emotions. At the time, because the people around me or the person I am with-and ideally am close to-would have given me good emotions more often than not, I naturally tend to trust them. Other times my decision is logical. If I can see, after weighing the pros and cons, a path worth walking with the individual or people, then they get higher clearance keys and thus deeper access to my trust.
A Strange Feeling
Ever have those moments where you just know but do not know how you know, and therefore cannot explain how you know, that it is safe to trust someone? You get that sort of gut feeling that assures you beyond shadow of doubt and anything else that all systems are go. You can get an instinctive/intuitive feeling that most of the time you personally trust. This one can be automatic. You cannot decide to get a feeling to trust someone, but you can choose to go with the feeling or not. That choice is a no brainer for emotive people. The cogitative people will have time spent pondering the safety of going along with the feeling, that is if they get it, and if they do, acknowledge it.
Who Is That?
Trusting someone is one thing, trusting yourself is a whole different matter. Essentially when you decide to trust someone you are trusting yourself with them. I find it interesting, just thinking about it now, how some people appear not to trust themselves in general which may be the root cause as to why they may have trust issues, aside from being betrayed quite a number of times in the past. For me trusting someone comes on its own until I get disappointed. This then heavily affects the next person I trust. It can be a 50/50 thing where you can still trust the next person partially, as a test, so as not to be too prejudiced towards them. That is my personality at least. If they cross the line and set off too many red flags then they immediately get denied when requiring access to my trust.
The Pain Of Expectations
One can ask, “Why do we get hurt by the people closest to us”? The truth of the matter is our vulnerability towards someone increases the closer we get to them. We open more of ourselves to them and become more delicate as a result. It is a very hard choice at the time opening up, because you are wondering whether or not they will display the most sensitive part of your life, which you have chosen to share with them. If they have gained complete access to your trust it will be a piece of cake. It does not mean you are not exposed and prone to social danger of any kind, but you have left yourself in the hands of the one you have chosen to trust, similar to giving them your most prized possession to take good care of and let nothing happen to it at all. That is an extremely huge responsibility which most people are not aware of. Your expectation regarding them are high meaning the last thing you believe they would do is reveal your secret life (both shallow and deep). Like the pain of breaking a very special, fragile, valuable and rare vase or trophy, is the state of a heart that is broken when least expected.
In the end growing and maturing in your character and personality essentially comes with and through the development of self-trust. Being true to yourself is all about complete honesty and trust wholly, first and foremost with yourself. Why do you keep procrastinating? Why do you choose to opt out of doing what you know is important, especially when it involves someone else? Are you avoiding what you know could stretch you because you do no think you have what it takes? If it has been a while since the last time you did something for the first time, you could do worse than starting as soon as possible.