Of Love & Order part 1: What Happened To Love?

Courtesy of completewellbeing.com

“When it’s gone, you’ll know what a gift love was. You’ll suffer like this. So go back and fight to keep it.” Ian McEwan Enduring Love

“I used to think that I could never lose anyone if I photographed them enough. In fact, my pictures show me how much I’ve lost.” Nan Goldin

Starting from the beginning
Things in my life are moving in a way that only God can orchestrate. From not knowing my purpose and passion, to having TV/Film skills. From only possessing video production skills to having design traits too.. From enjoying an ordinary relationship with God to an extraordinary one. From being single to being in a relationship!
Of course when I put it like this it sounds like everything is going smoothly, all according to plan. That is far from the case. I have had to learn patience, deep trust in God, and persistence especially through and in prayer in the process. The fact that I am even writing this right now is a testament to His goodness! With gloves off, hands rubbed, we are ready to get into highly likely the most exciting journey yet.

What it is about
What is love? No I am not talking about Haddaway’s song! I am sincerely bringing to mind the reality of the most impactful force ever to hit humankind. There seems to be a widespread knowledge or more accurately information, on the subject with it affecting each of us in a completely different way. If you ask one person what they believe love to be, you will get a completely different answer to what the next person will say. The question that eats me every time is if two people (man and woman) were always meant to be, how is it that there are cases where break up happens after 4 or more years? It truly is baffling to me. As I brushed up on my dating knowledge through so many various means including books, TV (talk) shows/series, movies, internet articles, music, conversations/discussions, seminars/conferences and CD’s,  I began to see a pattern between the thriving relationships and the ones that appear to be doomed for failure before they even start. No I am not claiming to be some expert or anything, there is still much for me to learn in spite of all I have already learned, I am merely putting forward my observations in the hopes that someone will have a good or better understanding of love. The point is to let the reader combine their knowledge, insight, wisdom and understanding with what they glean from here.
In case you are wondering Why “Of Love And Order?” It is simply based on this profound principle: Worthwhile relationships take work. Before diving into what I believe that entails, we will observe what I am of the opinion is the world’s standard for love.

Types of relationships
The info about to be displayed is an excerpt taken from a book by the world-renowned dating coach Nick Savoy, founder and CEO of Love Systems. In his journey to find love (married now), he came to discover 6 different kinds of relationships:

• Traditional: One boy, one girl, no one dates anyone else.
• Traditional Plus: Like traditional, but sometimes you involve other people in your sex life (not your emotional life). Usually this is when both you and her enjoy threesomes with other women.
• Open: Your primary emotional commitment is to each other, but you are both free to date other people. Open relationships vary in intensity: some are much like Traditional Plus relationships while others are far more casual.
• Multiple: You have a strong commitment to each other, but nothing theoretically limits what you can do with others.
• Dating/Undefined: The rules of what you’re doing and where you’re going are unclear, but there is no explicit commitment. Often early in your relationship and usually the case before you sleep together.
• Friends with Benefits: No significant emotional commitment. Relationship is primarily sexual.

You would be surprised to note that there is in fact a TV series called Friends With Benefits! Jaw-dropping I know. One can be rest assured that most people’s view of love would have been influenced by one or more of the above. What this therefore implies is that the relationship gets shaky right from the get go because it is established on an unstable foundation.

Aiming for the target
What this series hopes to zero in on is “popularizing” the notion of fighting for your relationship, first of all by learning more about why such a pure and precious thing has been tarnished not only by the world but by and with Christians as well, and coming back to what matters most, the only One qualified to define and execute exactly what love is. We have found that much of the reason for relationships going bad is because there is not much preparation made before entering into it and there are few, if any, boundaries put in place as well. This served as the introduction to the series, which could  have the subheading What happened to love? if you will. Links to stories that are moving, depressing and eye-opening, as well as stories from my own life will be covered in subsequent posts. The most important thing to realize is that outside God, there is little to none satisfaction and fulfillment in this life. No need to take my word for it, just ask Solomon (Book of Ecclesiastes)! Even he, in the fulness of the wisdom pouring forth from the wisest man who ever lived had this to say:

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:

Fear God and keep His commandments,
For this is man’s all.
For God will bring every work into judgment,
Including every secret thing,
Whether good or evil.

The Fourth Fruit: A Chess Battleground

Galatians 5:22-23
But the Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control. There is no law against such things as these

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint

Ecclesiastes 7:9
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools

The Checkers Challenge
I used to love playing Checkers so many times. It is actually kind of scary thinking about it. Admittedly my ability to perceive and anticipate my opponent’s move or foresee the possible danger in the move I made was a weakness I had. Fortunately to make up for that I took my time and saw some moves that were very beneficial for me, more than I ever imagined! There is still nothing worse than the handicap of taking blind steps. I was always mentally fatigued when my opponents reacted in a way that indicated vulnerability with the move I made.

At times in life I feel like I am playing checkers. I make decisions and later wonder whether or not I made the right one. I know myself to be the kind of person who only realizes the mistakes made, afterward. This has lead me to be a bit antsy about most things. I often question the next move before making it only because I will not be in a position to fully determine the advantages and disadvantages. In this case I am then mocked by circumstance as if to be told that my move was the wrong one and there is no resolution.

A Villainous Tactic
While that does seem to appear crude in almost every form-at first glance-it really is not. One thing I have to just sit back and applaud is the common factor that most villains have,  patience. True their intentions are obviously disreputable and to their misfortune, their patience is exercised in vain, however, it is still very admirable how long their limit is! I began to ponder this factor and came to understand that it lies deep in their desire to accomplish their goal. In addition to seemingly well calculated plans, and in the case of intelligent bandits, properly and carefully calculated plans, they are so confident in what they have put in place they believe nothing will stop them. One needs to comprehend the profound aspect of this. They are so organized that backup plans are also set. Of course this is to account for the hero who is to demolish all they have taken time to build, yet it still stands to reason that regardless of how sinister the outline is, the depth of patience lies in the confidence of strategic planning motivated by the strength of the desire to achieve the goal.

A few questions one must ask himself (generically speaking) is:
1) How smart is my goal? That is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely
2) How strong is my desire to achieve it?
3) Have I made tactical plans to accomplish it?
4) Am I confident in my plans? Why or Why not?
5) Do I have a contingency plan in place as a precautionary measure?

The Individual vs Wrath
I have asked a lot of my friends who are top chess players how long a game can easily last. I was shocked to have found out that three hours is a general length to reach. They speak of this as if it were typical! I respect that, truly. I must congratulate myself in recognizing how patient I have become in the past few months. True there have been moments where I have erupted in anger unnecessarily, fortunately to grow from that, glean from such experiences the qualities I lacked, and use them to my advantage should the need arise. Strangely enough a phrase that I have recently used indirectly in reference to how I must proceed with the situation before me is: I’ll have to let this play its course. My personal favourite one is: Patience will have to be the order of the day. Saying that immediately puts me into The Zone.

I remember a scene in Evan Almighty where the words of God were so revelatory I was blown away. He was speaking to Evan Baxter:

God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

For me growing in patience is like a game of chess. If I lose my cool for a few minutes then I have made the wrong move and my wrath begins to get the upper hand. If the length in time it takes for me to get angry decreases and the length in time extends while I am angry, then my wrath has put me in a corner and I am very close to receiving check-mate. If on the other hand the length in time it takes for me to be angry increases, and the time I am angry is brief, then I have trapped my wrath and have it very close to check-mate. When do I actually reach check-mate you ask? When my patience is so high that I annoy everyone around me.

Sometimes things aren’t clear right away. That’s where you need to be patient and persevere and see where things lead.- Mary Pierce

He that can have patience can have what he will. Benjamin Franklin

Changing The World Without Changing With It

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

1 Peter 2:9

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light

Deut 7:6

“For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth

“When you’re the only sane person, you look like the only insane person.” ― Criss Jami, Diotima, Battery, Electric Personality

“The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever seen before.” 
― Albert Einstein

“A person who does many things differently and often independently makes perhaps the biggest difference of the highest significance for the greatest excellence in everyone’s life.” 
― Anuj Somany

We are in the world but not of it– Christian Principle

Fitting In To Eventually Stand Out
Being a spy can be a daunting job. The very skills required to gather info about someone or something else without any detection from them is tough. The very idea of bypassing security protocols, hacking into servers and mainframes and taking control of them and do everything from the outside in is intense. As deep as that may be, having to be a double-agent among friends is even harder. I essentially lived that life in high school and Bible school. I noticed there were individuals who were evil influences among others. The cunning aspect of this was that they did not know it. This frustrated me because they were able to turn people against me and still appear innocent! The most impressive portion of this was that I was the only one who could see all this happening, thankfully not exclusively to me, but was still a prevailing matter in my case.

The worst part that was challenging was the decision to be like these people who were devious in their ways. Not to the extent where I was making people believe I was a nice guy only to turn out to be the opposite later on, but to some degree, do what was against my personal (social) beliefs, appear to harm others or have them think I were doing so, pacify them and do the (good) deed for their benefit at the expense of getting credit for it. Trust me selflessness and anonymous volunteering does not work out for me. I had a hard time doing this but realized that I could find a way to still do good and stick to my beliefs while looking as though I were performing the contrary.

No Gender No Position
Some time back I heard about how a lot of celebrities, specifically men were trying to promote some trend about how it was perfectly fine for them to be putting on female clothes. It was preposterous and absurd in every sense of the word!

Imagine if as a fashion designer your product is carefully drawn and tailored for women, but you look around and see your work of art being displayed by men! That would come as a huge shock. These are people that believe that clothes have no gender. Standing out in this day and age may actually mean watching the world to see how much lower its standards are getting, looking for the loophole in the attempt to persuade one to join in (especially if its made to seem both natural, harmless and the best decision of one’s life), and gaining the courage to say, “No.” Doing so is much better than adapting to the superficial customs of this world. It may even mean detaching yourself from the friends who, on the surface seem like they mean no harm, but at the heart of the matter, do more damage than they realize.

The Process
The decision to change is never an easy one. The very idea of accomplishing it is no small feat. It takes an immensely intensified desire to implement it. As is the case with any habit, the main factor that contributes to success is remembrance. All one has to do is remember to continue the actions leading to the new habit and they will eventually achieve it. Discipline goes without say as does the act of being intentional about it. I love to liken this to my strong, irritating persistence in defeating an opponent in a video game. I may lose numerous times but I immediately re-strategize, refocus and re-engage the battle. To me it is like nothing else exists and nothing else maters except me successfully defeating my opponent. This essentially is what the need to change should feel and be like.

What Exactly Constitutes A Happily Ever After?
A few weeks ago the whatsapp group I am part of  showcased the worst piece of news I have heard and seen to date. For me, more than the political and economical state of a nation, the social position takes precedence. I could care less of there are millions of jobs and the government is doing well with international relations among other things, if abortion, prostitution, gay marriages is legalized, believe me there is something seriously wrong with the nation. Those things, down to the core affect the very lives of the individuals both influenced by and practicing such things. If the next generation grows to understand and accept them, saving the world will literally be a daily struggle. Let me illustrate what I mean:

Disney’s gay marriage

There was someone from this post that commented on this idea, sadly in the affirmative:

Every 8th grader knows the simple facts of biology that demonstrate that homosexuality is a sexual disorder. Human sexuality is complementary (male/female) in nature and coitus is the primary function of the male/female genitalia. Homosexuals permanently substitute other sexual practices for coitus in the same way a bulimic permanently substitutes disordered eating practices for healthy eating practices. It is obvious.

An artist decided that displaying this image in a public school or library was just very fascinating and states: It is not my intention to offend:

Conclusion
At the end of the day, parents and guardians really need to watch what their children are watching. To reach a point where you have to teach a child about self-worth and help them have a very high self-esteem, so that they are not tricked and fooled into believing that there is an alternative to receiving love, if not from the opposite sex, is unfathomable yet very necessary. Their minds will be conditioned to live this way if nothing is done about it. T.V, the Internet and friends must not dictate what life principles children live by, that is the parents/guardians responsibility. It is not about judging but determining where the line is drawn and never crossing it. Standing out may be a lifetime job and lonely road to walk, but the impact on society and future generations is invaluable.

 

The Heart Of An Optimist

Romans 15:13

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

In this hour, I do not believe that any darkness will endure- J. R. R. Tolkein: The Return Of The King

Welcoming Portion
Host: Thank you, thank you. It’s so good to have you with us, Tarisai, no excuse me, I should say Tsizzles or T.O perhaps?

Me: T.O is good thank you very much.

Host: Ah, perfect. So tell us, T.O, why do you happen to have so many names?

Me: Well in boarding school I was very often called by my surname, at least at the hostel, by my guys-and to some degree-my coaches also. Names ranging from Greenbean, Coconut, Tenessee and Premises, just to name a few, were among the popular ones. These just happen to come by probably because of the way I carried myself.

Host: Really? Please do tell.

Me: I was was not always the forward, teasing or dissing-for-fun kind of person, but still held my ground and hung out with those who did gain plenty of entertainment from taking advantage of the fact that I never dissed back. This became a very admirable characteristic unique only to me.

Host: Admirable indeed. I’m very curious as to where Tsizzles came from.

Me: Yes, first I must mention what I was called in Denmark very often: T and Mr T. It was interesting because I used T.O all the time so most people called me that, but then the Danes used Mr T and the Slovaks used T. This, again, came all on its own. After being there, I briefly became a recording artist and I named myself Tsizzles because of my sizzling fresh lyrics.

Host: Hmm interesting. You never mentioned your friends having called you T.O, how did that come to be?

Me: At this point, because I was so used to being given names and following along with them, my brother one day decided to call me T.O. That then got around the family quickly. This, by the way, was in 2004 and I went to Denmark in 2006. To this day it’s still very tempting to introduce myself to everyone as T.O.

Host: Well with a name like that I can see why. I’ll bet you get this lot but, what does T.O stand for?

Me: Actually knowing that people are immediately going to be asking that, I just answer before they get the chance, with Tarisai the Optimist. A friend of mine confronted me about that with a thought that never occurred to me because I was so used to it. They said, “That doesn’t make sense. How can you be Tarisai “Tarisai the Optimist” Mzwimbi?” I just told them it was simply because I could be. Admittedly though, Optimist is something that just came from the top of my head. Having been to YWAM in 2012 where, once again, I used T.O, I was questioned about it quite often. In Denmark I mentioned that it was just a random name. In Cape Town I realized that was not going to help.

Host: What did you decide to do then?

Me: I saw that using my first name and that awesome title was not going to cut it. I really loved it though. It just made introductions easy. I then chose to define those initials as The Optimist. This means in a literal sense, anyone who calls me out, “Hey T.O!” are really saying, “Hey The Optimist,” which honestly had a nice ring to it the more I thought about it. At least this way I can rightfully be called, Tarisai “The Optimist” Mzwimbi.

The Heart Of The Matter
Host: Very nice, very nice. The Optimist. I love that. Now you obviously carried this name around for a long time, did you ever feel connected to it in some way?

Me: In fact, it’s funny you say that because being an optimist is something I discovered I lived throughout my life. Whenever I have problems that scare me, like thinking about where my life is going, or a movie I would’ve seen, or comparing where I am to where the friends I learnt with at school are, I simply think my way through that. You see, I’m a Contemplator, that I means I think first, then act and feel. I…

Host: Wait , wait, wait, sorry to cut you there. Does that mean when you get hurt, you think the pain away?

Me: Believe it or not, yes! I cannot tell you how many deep secrets or moments of regret, embarrassment or disappointment I have kind of kept in mind and briefly forgotten about then feel less negatively impacted by, after a while. It was great experiencing that. It’s always a nice way to go through anything tough that a real friend is not in a position to lend an ear at that point in time. Sadly, though, because I’m not really the chatty type, thinking about telling someone-as enormously beneficial as it is-will more often than not, be the last thing on my mind.

Host: Understable. We can all be like that sometimes. Not sure about the telling someone part. Anyways, this thinking problems away method is not something everyone can do. Can anyone, realistically speaking, become an optimist?

Me: Most definitely. You see, it’s not about the perky personality that suppresses problems. If you are the shy or very reserved kind of person, you can still be an optimist. Looking at the bright side does not mean you forget or trivialize the problems you have, no, rather it’s centered on these two factors:

1) Things can always be worse. Another person may say, “Things aren’t always what they seem.” These essentially mean things are not as bad you think they are or as they appear to be, because they can always be worse. In other words, you can at least be grateful that you still live. That’s something very easily forgotten. Someone can say, “How can losing a loved one not be the worst thing?” Simply because you could lose more than one in a short period in time or you could be the one being mourned.

2) You think the opposite of negative thoughts. It’s very natural for us to think negatively towards any kind of situation or person, this makes thinking positively very hard. It’s not built in us, therefore, thinking the opposite of every negative thought that enters our mind makes it easier for us to feel better about how we can shape our future, no matter what comes our way.

Host: That is very deep, if I say so myself. A new way of looking at optimism. I imagine this was not a walk in the park.

Me: Not at all. It took years of training. In a way, I kind of understood what it meant to be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Rom 12:2). It all comes down to how you perceive the situation.

Host: Well that’s all from me. Thank you for being with us today on Inside Out: the show that gives you an inside look into the lives of the great, making a huge deal out of what would normally be viewed as unimportant.

Once again T.O thank you.

Balancing Life: The Semi-Circle Of Rhythm

Courtesy of decorativeartefacts.co.uk

The Presence Of The Pendulum
Life presents us with a lot of opportunities to achieve something meaningful, do something amazing, and change someone else’s life. The real truth is we all have a chance to do this every day in one way or another, it all comes down to how we spend our time. Whether you are the busiest bee in town or the laziest sloth or feel that way, everyone has those moments to make something happen.

The worst period in my life was what I call, “The Sloth Years,” not because things did not progress fast enough in my life but because I did not have much to do! It is one thing  having one gap year in your life, I had three! That is the effect, strength and power of a lack of purpose. I literally had none. I was completely eaten up inside. The truly terrifying part was that a side of me felt impassive to the situation while the reality of it sunk in every now and then. The weight of being unproductive increased with each passing day as it horrifically became lighter at the same time. My comfort zone was all I understood. I created a world separate and distinct from civilization. The pendulum froze in one position the whole time.

Glimmer Of Hope
Before heading to Cape Town to learn video production I was a recording artist. This provided some sense of productivity but still lay in the shadows of laziness. I put effort into writing songs and fortunately managed to record a few. The artistry was similar to that of a preschool kid’s drawing. Things did not escalate past a mixtape. You could say I that received an E for “Effort.” It really hits you hard when your mind produces nothing but a vacuum as you dig as deep into it as possible in search for understanding and knowing what you were made for. Thankfully the birth of this blog emerged from those wilderness days as well. In the end they did not turn out to be completely futile. Despite this the pendulum now remains motionless on neither side of where it ought to be.

The Pain Of Overcommitment
The real truth is brought forth from the deception of overworking. After I finished my video production and film school courses, I became part of staff. A different but amazing experience. From shooting company projects to shooting and editing training ones, it stretched me and gave me a sense of fulfilment. The problem came when I found myself doing more than I bargained for. I was in charge of production equipment, garden tools, the computer lab, guest house, the staff offices, students’ theory and practical classes and homework, and finally reporting false alarms! Numerous times my plea for aid in splitting my tasks was briefly reviewed and ultimately denied. I was exasperated often but the time that consumed me with rage was when my beauty sleep was disturbed (yes even the small amount of peace I fought so hard to obtain, was taken from me), once again because of student assignments. I had no weekend. None at all throughout that year. This time the pendulum swung to the other side, held back from progression like a broken record.

The Balancing Act
After a cold year of searching for the job that suited me, I found it, then it departed from me no thanks to shareholder challenges. This opened the door to freelancing which has provided some freedom. I am currently juggling three jobs and they make every second spent in that year with work torture worth it. The pendulum finally swings smoothly from left to right, the way it was designed to. Finding the equilibrium between work and rest can be a full day job in itself but a reward worth more than the effort required to attain it. When you discover the value of working from your rest as much as the necessity of resting from your work, you begin to see how beautifully shaped each day turns out.

Perspective: Seeing Things Differently

Courtesy of http://www.thesunsetinn.net

A very passionate person on Twitter, Kari Joys, stated something very interesting: “Let the warm glow of the setting sun kiss life’s hurts away.” ~Anon

I have often heard of similar sayings like, “The grass is always greener on the other side and The night is darkest before the dawn. Everyone interprets these differently and each of them have an effect on the way an individual generally looks at life. For me I have often said that life is a movie, in that each of us have a story and we all have those situations that seem impossible to overcome but can be done, and often approach us just as we are about reach and achieve our goal. Our story is something we tell each day and everything that happens to us, happens for a reason. The outcome of that and the way we feel about it is determined by the choice we make at that particular moment in time, in other words, how we choose to see it.

If things are great for our coworkers and they always seem to be doing much better with each passing day, whereas you are experiencing the complete opposite, the impact of such events will determine the kind of person you become. Will you be reactive and throw away opportunities for growth by complaining and being angry, stressed and unproductive, or will you take it a step at a time, think about, analyze and compare what they are doing to what you are doing so as to locate the missing link? The difference in each case is outlined by perspective.

Flip A Coin
I remember in primary school how we settled small but very significant disagreements. Usually the idea of flipping a coin would be to determine who starts something, as is the case in sports, however, in order to solve a case where conflicting points were brought up by both parties, we would flip a coin to see who had the better ability to calculate the probability of the coin falling on the side they thought had a higher likelihood.
Since there are two sides to every coin, each saying has a different meaning to each person. The sunset in general is a very beautiful thing but it can be disheartening if the most painful memories took place during sunset. If the individual were to look at the other side, so to speak, they would see that the beauty of the sunset and the impact it has is determined by them. Will they see the dark side or the bright side?

Beauty In The Eye Of The Beholder
When a person takes a look at a painting, say of a woman running out of a door looking back with a face that seems as though she is wondering if the event has taken place, everyone would see it in their own way. Is she running from someone and hoping she has escaped? Is it from something? Could she be concerned that she forgot something and could not help but take a quick glance? Is there a relief that whatever was tormenting her will not be part of her life anymore? Is she saddened by the thought of leaving a life she embraced so much that with everything she has in that split second, take it all in?

As all these feelings and more take place in your head there is one underlying question: What is so beautiful about that? I like to think it is the element of uncertainty that keeps you lost in a world you create yourself. It all comes down to the way you choose to look at it.

What Is Life?
When my brother came back from doing a film school course in Boston, I asked him what his observations were concerning people’s outlook on life. He mentioned a number of interesting things but then kind of bounced the question back to me. I told him that life is beautiful and it is very good. Personally for me it is a journey mapped out by our decisions. I then went on to mention how most people have the wrong perception of life. The way they see it is based on their current or dominant circumstances. If they had a terrible background, and they are not always heard or understood, they do not perform the best even by their own standards, life becomes dull, boring, pointless and worst of all: unfair. On the other hand if everything was smooth, had a brilliant upbringing, did excellent in school, had a great relationship and a loving and caring family and friends, life is viewed as amazing as a whole. This, unfortunately, is the wrong way to look at life. It must be seen, rather, as a gift that is given to us. A privelege and honor to have. What have you learned from terrible circumstances and how can you use them to encourage someone else through a similar kind? How can you celebrate both yours and someone else’s success and push each other to greater heights? How can you lift yourself up (during your ordeal) through embracing someone else’s success and vice-versa?

My personal life motto is: See what no one else sees. Not in the freaky ghosts and supernatural beings kind of way but more like possibilities for doing what I have never done before, whichever way that comes, and intentionally appreciating what no one else would. I start off that process by always recognizing that no matter how bad they get things can always be worse. In the end they are never really as bad as we lead ourselves to believe.

What do you see?

Cherishing The Golden Moments

Courtesy of http://www.smashinglists.com

The Regret Of Living With Regret
If you are going to make sure, the best way you can, that you never lose the things or people most dear to you, it will be motivated by the realization that you did not do anything while you still had the chance. You took every moment, if not most, lightly and those that were crucial, that is, the arguments and disagreements-which often lead to a point of reflection-you took for granted. They essentially were the ones that determined, from and through the depths of your character, the length of that or those golden relationship/s. The only thing worse than losing someone is the thought of losing them and living with that thought with every passing second you are with them. One puts a belief that the person they do not want gone is already gone, despite being with them in the present moment.

I know, a sad and depressing way to live. This is why I love to say:

Life is too short to complain about things that don’t matter. Life is too long to take for granted the little things that do.

Making The Small Things A Huge Deal
It is often important to be very intentional about each valuable experience in life, and even more so, the form it comes in. Some people fall in adoration for:

a) A newborn to 6 month old baby
b) The sunrise or sunset, both in general and over a river, a mountain or over a river with the viewer on a mountain.
c) A butterfly
d) The eyes of the significant other while seated on a bench at a park, couch at home, or under a tree anywhere.
e) The sight of a parent’s deep love for their child/children
f) The feeling after succeeding at a seemingly impossible workout
g) Any time, anywhere with the best friend.
h) A letter written instead of a message sent by sms, email or any form of social media
i) A married couple expressing gratitude towards each other for having each other
j) Family time, especially dinner or breakfast
k) The look on someone’s face when they achieve something
l) Stargazing with anyone
m) The look on a homeless person’s face when you help them

They are there in front us all the time, all we have to do is look for them. We can never assume we will have someone special to us all the time, therefore, instead of acting like we will always have them or like we will never lose them, we must rather be grateful everyday for every second in their presence. This should also be expressed to them as often as possible.