Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Decide the relationships that will shape you
People come and people go. Some are there just for a season. Others are there to fulfill general aspects of your life such as hanging out and hobbies. Then you get the two kinds of relationships that 1) Build you up as a person and 2) Are building blocks for your future. I wrote about the effect people have in our lives in a few different posts last year. One of them was 2 reasons why people matter. In this post I will build on what I started over there.
A close companion
Your best friend and your close friend are there to look out for you. they are the ones will challenge you and push you to pursue your dreams. They will keep you accountable and more often than not be good advisors. They know you better than most people, which is valuing them and investing time in and with them is of extreme importance. In fact they are the kind of relationships that must not be taken for granted!
This person builds your future. Whatever it is you desire and aspire to be, your mentor will be the one to direct you. They are not your close friends. They are not to be treated and taken lightly. They are to served with respect and honor. What you respect you will attract. That obviously means you repel what you disrespect. The gateway to your future will be determined by your attitude. The concept and principle of sowing and reaping comes in to play. To receive honor, you must first give it. Therefore remember this:
Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets Matt 7:12
What life comes down to in the end
No matter how you see it, people will interest, influence, impact and inspire you, one way or another. If you want to talk about living then first you need to communicate the language of giving. Every word that we speak is a seed sown. So the opportunities that present themselves to us in part are because of the words that we spoke into both our situation and into someone else. Our behaviour is a seed sown. If we are going to attract and then reap a big harvest of blessings, favour and abundance, it comes with understanding the virtue of integrity and patience. The essence of life: In whom will you invest your life, love and time?
Understanding different relationships
As I said before some people come into your life for a season. Others are there to entertain various parts of your life. This means we need to understand that everyone will treat us differently. Dr Mike Murdock said, “People are different around different people. Some manipulate via affection. Few love enough to put another first.” That puts two things into question:
1) A person’s self-esteem
2) A person’s values
The way a person treats themselves will determine how they treat someone else. That means if they are being manipulative, especially for their own selfish gain, that assumes that there was not much credit given to them during the course of their lives. That means they failed to actually see themselves as honorable, and therefore, went on to doing dishonorable things in an attempt to pull others down to their mediocre level. That is why they mask themselves under the pretense of meaning well for you. Sherline puts that particular concept in great perspective in her post: The importance of Detecting False Humility. I highly recommend you read it.
Then you have the person’s values. Why are they trying to be something that they are not in order to reduce someone else? What do they truly believe about life, people and most importantly, themselves? One would do well to be careful with whom they surround themselves. The rare kind who actually and genuinely love and cherish you as a person are the jewels worth keeping for life:
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4.
Find these people and never let them go.
Love: the ultimate gift for every relationship
Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor
Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Romans 13:7-9
Give to someone the good they deserve. You cannot cheat anyone but yourself. The principle of sowing and reaping will always apply. That means you cannot try to be sincere for the purpose of furthering your own agenda because:
…with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you. Luke 6:38
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends John 15:13.
It is praiseworthy of anyone who grows a love for people to the point they are willing to die for them. That desire is all that is needed to really be able to demonstrate love to that extent. They say, “It’s the thought that counts,” so as long as the desire to love unconditionally to this extent is there, that’s enough! Why go this far you may ask? Simple: the need to love surpasses the need to be loved. Takes a lifetime to discover this.
Proper use of relationships will result in proper life management
It’s not just in being disciplined enough to manage your time but also people. You will need to know why some people come into your life. You see some want you to be a friend. Some want you to be a confidante. Some want you to be a “Ladder” to their future. You will need to determine why have some relationships. That will be something to think about. Here are twenty-six facts that uncommon achievers (those few that succeed well) know about people, taken from Dr Mike Murdock’s book-31 Secrets Of The Richest Man Who Ever Lived:
1. You will always need people
2. Success is a collection of relationships. Without clients, a lawyer has no career. Without patients, a doctor has no future. Without composers, a singer has nothing to sing. Your future is connected to people. Your success is dependent upon people.
3. Greatness is all around you. You must look for it. Expect it. Celebrate it. Pursue it, and reward it wherever it is found.
4. The master key to achieving anything significant is inspiring those around you to commit to your vision.
5. Everyone will have something different to impart into your life. Remember-someone close to you needs something you possess. Likewise, someone else possesses something that you need to achieve your dreams and goals. Each person around you possesses a different “body of knowledge.” It is your personal responsibility to drop your pail in their well and draw it out. As Proverbs 11:14 teaches, Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Some of the people around you are logical, and some are analytical. Others are creative and energizing, but the contribution of each person is vital.
6. You must be willing to listen to others. We all see through different eyes, feel with different hearts, and hear with different ears.
7. Someone close to you knows something that you must know or you will not succeed. Stop. When someone tries to tell you something, take the time to hear them out. One piece of information can sometimes mean the difference between success and failure. The quality of your decisions depends upon your ability to listen.
8. You must deposit your best efforts into others. Solomon believed that those around him deserved his best efforts. That’s why he prayed for uncommon wisdom to aid and guide them. He felt personal responsibility to improve the quality of their lives. In 1 Kings 3:8, Solomon called the people around him “a great people”
9 You must be willing to reach out to people. Solomon was humble. His first request from his Creator was for personal assistance to help those around him become successful. The arrogant never reach out. They attempt everything alone.
10. You must love people enough to empty your life into them.
11. You must love people enough to pursue ways to benefit and reward them.
12. You must love people enough to prepare and be changed so they can succeed because of you.
13. You must celebrate the differences in people. Solomon networked with many cultures. He was the leader of the commerce of his day, and the first to send ships to other countries. It is so unfortunate that many never celebrate the fact that we are all uniquely made. People often fear those they do not understand. Then they withdraw, criticize, and cast aside.
14. You must discern the dominant gift God has deposited in others just for you. Many years ago, I hired a vibrant and energized young lady to run my music company. Everyone loved her and considered her a delight. Since I traveled a great deal, I was often out of the office and unable to oversee her work. When I finally found an opportunity to look over her files, I was dismayed to find that she was not organized in any way. My financial documents were a mess. Envelopes were mislabeled, and bank statements were in disarray. I was horrified. I called her into my office and gently explained, “I really love you and appreciate the joy that you bring into this office. But, I will have to fire you.” After she left, I noticed an unexplainable emptiness in the atmosphere of the office. The staff had lost its energy and excitement. I now realize that this young woman had the nature of a cheerleader, rather than the mentality of a coach. Spontaneity was her gift to me and structure was not. Her countenance, energy, and desire to be hospitable were too rare. She was the spark plug of my whole staff.
15. Remember that people need to hear your good thoughts about them. Solomon celebrated people-everywhere he found them. First Kings 10:8 says, Happy are thy men, happy are these thy servants, which stand continually before thee, and that hear thy wisdom. What you are hearing is creating what you are feeling.
16. People around you possess the solutions to your problems. Solomon asked everybody to help him.
17. Involve as many people as possible in your dream. You need people to assist you in order to achieve your dream. Solomon wrote and reached out to many to assist him in the building of the incredible Temple.
He listened to people.
He listened to kings.
He listened to leaders.
He even listened to two quarreling harlots. He listened to enthusiastic voices of encouragement wherever he found them.
18. Even unhappy people can birth incredible ideas for you. Solomon listened to unhappy voices for ideas. He inspired the gifted to assist him. In 2 Chronicles 2:7 we read Solomon’s words, Therefore send me at once a man skillful to work in gold and silver, in bronze and iron, in purple and crimson and blue, who has skill to engrave with the skillful men who are with me in Judah and Jerusalem, whom David my father provided. Solomon respected the skills of others. he searched them out, rewarded them, paid them well.
19. Uncommon notice quality people. Donald Trump, the billionaire from New York said, “I’m just looking to hire the best talent wherever I can find it.” Many years ago I read that one of the master secrets of Dr Oral Roberts, the founder of Oral Roberts University, was that he literally combed the earth looking for the most highly qualified people to surround him.
20. You will only succeed in life to the degree you succeed with people. Are you having difficulty in your relationships with others? Do your fellow workers resent you? Why? Do those who work under you long to work under another manager in another department? Be honest with yourself.
21. Everyone has something different to give.
22. Some friendships are for encouragement. Their words compliment and edify. They admire your labor and achievements and exude enthusiasm when you achieve a goal. Their excitement energizes you.
23. Some friends analyze and critique you. These types of friends are also necessary. They are not always enthusiastic and encouraging, but their scrutiny often prevents tragic consequences and unwise decisions.
24. Some friends energize you. When these friends are around you, you want to achieve your greatest dreams and goals. In their presence, you make huge plans and throw caution to the wind. You become a risk taker. You see the potential and possibility in everything. These kinds of friends are an important key to unlocking your faith.
Solomon was brilliant. He realized every person sees something different. When he surrounded himself with their expertise, opinions, and viewpoints, they imparted and deposited into him their wisdom. He became a melting pot of understanding. It is true that every person is not necessarily “your kind of person.” You will not feel comfortable with everyone. You may not always be energized by their presence. But, every person has a valuable deposit to make into your life, when you will truly understand the need for it.
25. You will need many kinds of personalities involved in your life. Each will enlarge, educate, and strengthen you. Some offer spontaneity and freedom of expression. The unwise limit themselves.
The wise accept the impartation of many. In Proverbs 11:14 it is written, In the multitude of counselors there is safety.
26. Relationship skills can be learned. This will take time and require focus. Most of all, it will mean being totally honest. Ask your supervisor for suggestions regarding books, seminars, or personal evaluation. Be willing to be corrected. When you offend, be swift to apologize, show a sincere desire to develop and be changed.
The following seven keys will help you get along with people:
1. Stop focusing on the flaws of people and “catch them doing something right.”
2. Praise others publicly and privately.
3. Recognize completed tasks, good attitudes, and be swift to reward those who assist you in achieving your goal.
4. Don’t permit bitter feelings to fester and grown within you. Do not advertise your conflicts with everyone else. Rather, approach the person who has offended you directly in private and make things right.
5. Remember dialogue always births miraculous changes.
6. Recognize that words are the “golden bridges” from the pit to the palace.
7. Fall in love with people and people will fall in love with you. Someone has said, “People do not care how important you are, it is important to them that you really care.” Someone else said, “People wear huge, invisible signs around their necks that say-Please tell me I am important to you. ” Remembering this simple key can make a profound difference.
- Those around you are great. Become worthy of them.
- Those around you can become great. Become their “bridge to greatness.”
- Uncommon achievers recognize and reward other uncommon achievers.