Of Love & Order Part 5: Men’s Preparation For Courtship

This world is not a place merely to live in, nor a place in which to do certain kinds of business; it is a great workshop in which to make godly men. J.R. Miller

Prayer makes a godly man and puts within him “the mind of Christ,” the mind of humility, of self-surrender, of service, of pity, and of prayer. If we really pray, we will become more like God, or else we will quit praying. Edward McKendree Bounds

If you want to know if I’m a Godly man, follow me home. Andy Stanley

The Preparation Process
The sad truth in this subject matter is how it is not merely overlooked but not even considered in the first place. Every time one talks about dating or courting, the necessity of preparation should come both as a no-brainer, and principal fact, not as an after-thought. Of course, the act of preparing in and of itself is not appealing because of the gruesome stages that take place. The question that needs to be asked is How does one expect to succeed in a season they are about to enter if they are not prepared for it? In the same way that the transition to manhood from boyhood requires preparation so does the transition from singleness to courtship.

The following points are taken from this video which I found very insightful and are thus repackaged to be presented from my point of view. You are free to see the original content before continuing here or compare what I say to the video’s after you are done here.

The three questions to answer during your period of preparation as a Godly man are:

  1. Who am I as a man?
  2. Whose am I as a person?
  3. What do I have to offer?

Before getting into them understand that the preparation process for anything is the absolute longest in one’s lifetime. How many hours, days, weeks and months do you need when preparing for an exam? How many years of education and knowledge do you go through before pursuing your profession? Moses went through 40 years of preparation before he was able to lead the nation of Israel. John the Baptist did 15 years before he began his ministry and Jesus went through 30 years of preparation before He started His ministry. No matter what point in your life you meet your Godly woman, you are to prepare yourself for her.

Who am I as a man?
One of my favourite authors on the subject of manhood is John Eldredge who did an amazing job at defining who we are as men. There are loads of nuggets I picked up from his book. Here are some points from it and other resources I gathered.

There are plenty of males in this world, but very few men– Aimanvir Jhawar.

Being a man according to the world

What does one have to do? Well, all you need is a driver’s license at eighteen, the right to leave school at sixteen, an opportunity to join the army, permission to buy cigarettes and beer, admission to a pub and movies with age restrictions, pornographic books, and films etc.

That means to be a man you should be able to control a powerful machine, to kill others (the army), to masturbate, to destroy lungs and to get drunk and to have as much sex as possible.

Talk about a warped view-so far from what God intended! What about Christian men? How are they to live up to God’s standards for man? It is obvious you cannot hit a target you cannot see, neither can you reach your destination without a map and compass. So what Christian males need to do is transition to manhood from boyhood. The only thing is that they are not taken through the practical aspects of being a Christian boy, only theory from motivating stories in the Bible at Sunday school. Were the stories just there for fun? Were they something someone imagined as fiction, wrote it and left it alone? Certainly not! The process of masculinity is very seldom taught to Christian boys who need to grow up to be men.

The young boys in families, especially the youngest, is deemed to be “man of the house,” which also applies to boys in families consisting only of girls apart from themselves. In the mind of a boy, what does being a man entail?

What Christians have defined as a man
Men are shaped into various forms of pressure. They are told of the man they ought to be and sometimes that is presented as the man they are.  They are taught, “This is what a good husband/father/Christian/churchgoer ought to do. He is responsible, sensitive, disciplined, faithful, diligent, dutiful etc. These are good qualities. They have very good intentions. Remember, though, that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

The problem with these qualities is that they imply that a man is defined by what he does so that apart from them he is not a man. A person portrays who they are by what they do. Being responsible-amongst other things-are qualities that come as a result of already being a man, not (necessarily) to start becoming one. We are created to be human beings, not human doings.

The very crucial truth that needs to be grasped here is that men were not created to be domesticated.

The major problem with the general understanding (the popular belief) of what a man is, ignores what is deep and true to a man’s heart, his real passion. Men need something else. A deeper understanding of why they long for adventure and battles and a Beauty-and why God made them just like that. They need a deeper understanding of why women long to be fought for, to be swept up into adventure, and to be the Beauty. For that is how God made them as well.

In essence, men were created to live in adventure, that is why we go “looking for trouble”. It all comes down to the thrill of being the warrior that wears the crown of fulfillment, bearing the mark of a victor in his heart, all to accomplish one impactful purpose in his entire life: rescue the beauty.

Outside of that frame that encompasses everything a man is, a never ending search for his heart will cause him to fail to operate in his full capacity.

Whose am I as a person?
Very few people in the world know you better than you know yourself. One thing I love to say is that your life is a pizza box, it is made up of so many pieces. You have business/career, relationship/marital, recreational/fun time, workout/training, legacy, community, spiritual, and personal life. Balancing every aspect of these portions of life is crucial. I know a lot of gym fanatics whose whole lives are centered on fitness. Unless it is their job, that deprives them of living life as a complete being, the way they were created to be. Discovering who you are as a person first will help you set standards for recognizing whose you are. I recently heard a song with lines that said “kissing strangers till I find the one I love,” which saddened me because I realized there are people who search for love that desperately. The most important Person you are to belong to first and foremost is God, Who will guide, equip and prepare you for the woman who will be the right fit for you.

What do I have to offer?
Everything that embodies you as a man is unique and valuable to the right person. There are some people who will use you for your gifts, brain, personality, connections, prestige and so on, but to that one special individual, you will be appreciated for who you are, just as you are. With that in mind, know that you have more to offer than you realize. It transcends the general view of what a man is to the bigger picture. It relates to what you offer as a genuine article. You impact people in ways you might never know. You change the world of that one person who will always remember you. Your seemingly trivial talents or the ones you view in that manner, impress others and inspire them to pursue their passion. It comes down to thinking highly of everything you are as a man which impacts everything you do, that in turn, will have huge significance on the very character whose life blossoms in your field.

Breaking away from worldly standards for a man and, in general, learning to question popular thinking will enable you to search for truth in the correct places. When more time and resources are spent preparing for a wedding than for marriage, careful thought is to be given to that. Preparing yourself for courtship principally requires you to understand why before you consider how. When you progress through each day remember that every beauty is to be rescued by the right hero, her hero! Will you be the one?


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s