Home » Relationships » Of Love & Order part 3: Right/Wrong Reasons To Be In A Relationship

Of Love & Order part 3: Right/Wrong Reasons To Be In A Relationship

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Courtesy of brides.com

What’s Your Motive?

There are all sorts of reasons why people get into relationships. To some degree the rush for marriage is as epidemic as the rate of divorce. One can say that people would love to be married just as badly and quickly as others want to end the marriage! It then just becomes a cycle. The sad reality is that the world has diminished the true value and purpose of love so much so that the covenant and bond that ties two heterosexual people together is flippantly regarded and acknowledged. Being married turns into a high school and college relationship where you are essentially “testing the waters,” you’re not sure if you really want to be with the person or if you are right for each other. Imagine? By marriage, you are still uncertain of your compatibility and your purpose for being together? It’s like, “Are you serious?” The main factor that contributes to this experience is what I mentioned in part 1, the theme of which is “What Happened To Love?”

There is way too much worldly influence on the subject. One would be led to believe that love is a perverted thing; seeks its own interests above everyone else’s; is nothing but a pleasure-seeking emotion, that there is nothing more to it than just physical satisfaction! It gets even worse when people embrace this so much so that it becomes a part of them, one that repels any and every indication and example of true genuine love as it was always meant to be expressed.

Why Do You Want to Be With Me?

That question must be visited after much thought has been given to it. The most interesting thing is that it is very often the most difficult question to answer! I imagine that a lot women would find their men tongue tied as soon as this question comes up. Though it is not to say women are exempt from it, it is only that from my experience (through studying friends’ relationships) and research women are usually more certain of their purpose for being in a relationship than men are. There is often a more intimate and deeper long-lasting  future in mind from the women’s point of view but for the men, that process can take time. This is primarily because men and women are wired differently. Women desire closeness and men enjoy independence, this therefore means that the growth to closeness takes much longer for men to get to. This is why patience is of utmost importance on the part of the women, as the helper, supporter and encourager, they are to express their intentions while communicating the value of the growth process and how important it is for him to get to the stage of intimacy you would love to reach, and letting patience play her part, celebrating small victories along the way. Men are to vocalise any challenges they may have in a tactful and non-critical and condescending manner, and most of all listen wholeheartedly when spoken to. The process is simply: talk and listen, listen and talk, honourably and respectfully.

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Cody was onto something there! There is more truth in that than most would realize. It is to be taken very seriously. It may not be a bad idea to even assess whether or not you are on the right track right now, even if you’ve been together a very long time. We will be looking at what I believe are the wrong reasons for getting into a relationship. Think long and hard about these, see where you may need improvement. Part “B” of this segment of this series will be coming soon. Some of the points have been mentioned in the statements above, but here they are, short and simple:

Wrong Reasons

-You’re not sure why you’re in a relationship

-The love is conditional, the “IF” love

-You see your partner as a self-gratifying object, not just sexually

-Being in a relationship for the fun of it

-Boosting social status (not social media alone)

-Giving partially and not wholeheartedly

-Constantly lying and being defensive about it (indifference)

-Being critical, condemning, complaining and judgemental

-Having unrealistic expectations

-Desiring more of the shopping list and failing to appreciate what you have

-Seeking validation in your partner (a huge one)

-Simply not wanting to be alone

-Peer pressure (especially through Facebook)

-Social conformity (everyone is in one, you must be too)

-Rushing for marriage

-Being inconsiderate of your partner’s feelings

Right Reasons

With all this you may be wondering, “Is it really possible for me to be in a relationship?” Short answer: Yes! Here is why:

-You put God first in your individual lives then in your relationship

-You have high biblical standards for your relationship

-You set boundaries and discipline yourselves to follow them

-You care for your partner more than yourself

-You seek mutually beneficial interests

-You are open-minded, consider perspective and are willing to compromise

-Your love is unconditional

-You know EXACTLY why you are in the relationship

-You have a community you are a part of together OR

-You have a couples mentor

-You take your future seriously (individually and as a couple)

-You discuss how to overcome challenges

-You are trusting in general & understanding when it hurts

-You laugh at the most ridiculous things

-You share responsibility (e.g you take turns with the bill/check when you eat out)

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3 thoughts on “Of Love & Order part 3: Right/Wrong Reasons To Be In A Relationship

  1. Great post people should know their reasons for wanting to be in a relationship. It should also find a person who has the same motive and wants and needs. Often people get in a relationship they are not happy in because they have chosen someone who has a different purpose and meaning of relationship.

    • True and ensuring that they have their needs and goals set before engaging in a relationship is paramount. Since you can’t hit a target you can’t see, understanding the purpose sets the stage for everything else.

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