Home » Relationships » Relationship Checklist part 2

Relationship Checklist part 2

Here I’ll be analyzing whether or not how a relationship starts determines how it continues and/or whether or not it will end.

Does the first encounter determine everything?
All I’m saying here is, is it possible that where and how you meet decides the course of the direction of the relationship? You see there are some factors that need to be taken into consideration. Of course meeting in a coffee shop does not mean things are going to go terribly. The only thing that controls that is the personality of both parties.

With that in mind, let’s see how things build based on the first encounter. Some people have their shopping list for the right person for them. I will be,  however, dealing with a different thing altogether, for discussion purposes:

1) Would you marry an acquaintance?

What if you just met and experienced love at first sight? You get so intimate so quick you get engaged within the week! On a practical level, even if someone was genuinely in love, rushing into marriage without knowing each other can only lead to high risk of problems that could have been avoided, had some time been taken to grow in knowledge of both parties. On the other hand, if time was indeed taken for development of the relationship then it’s smooth sailing. The only thing is that a lot of time together will be needed considering that neither party knows the other, either at all, or on a deep level.

2) Would you marry your childhood friend?

Some people find that completely unimaginable! I have never heard a story of anyone marrying their childhood friend. Just trying to picture it now: How did you meet? Actually we’ve known each other since we were kids! Please, if anyone can testify to that, do not hesitate to comment! Please tell your story.

Now some would say that it’s a great idea to marry someone you know very well. That’s true in the case of meeting them at a later stage in life, perhaps school. As for kindergarten, all I can say to that is that it might work in some cases and in others it won’t. I would probably go on to say that it can destroy a perfectly good relationship. As for that part, to a certain extent I can relate. Now I’m not concluding that that’s more likely the case. I’m just mentioning it as a possibility. The only conclusion to draw is the fact that it depends on both parties.

3) Would you marry your best friend?

Now I know MOST people would agree with this idea. There are probably more successful marriages that started off right here. There are probably more people who married their best friend than any other way. For sure this kind of person is extremely difficult to find because 1) it’s not so easy to cultivate a relationship up to this point with anyone (that is any boy/girl), which means 2) this kind of person actually takes time to find. My theory is that more often than not, this person is found in the most random of places, like the shops! Fortunately that’s not always the case. In fact many people have found this person in school and church! I’m just pointing how rare it is to grow a relationship to this point if the favoured person isn’t found in the social locations, that is school, work, church etc. Please comment if you’ve had a different experience and are either leading towards or are in a successful marriage.

In my next post, I’ll talk about marrying your high school/college friend, your workmate and your boss. If anyone has any ideas for more posts please mention them. Please can also send a link if you’ve posted anything related to this subject. Thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Relationship Checklist part 2

  1. I have given the how you meet and what your relationship looks like before you get married question some thought. I can tell you I’ve been dating someone for over 6 months now. Part of the reason we’re still together is the power of our first meeting. We met on-line and agreed to do lunch. We had a three hour lunch during which we conversed easily over a range of topics. I wasn’t overcome with lust, but I noticed I liked his eyes. There was clearly potential for a great friendship.

    Due to many changes in both our lives – lots of difficult stuff we’ve both had to deal with at the same time – it’s been a rocky road. We thought we might not make it. But after a period of separation, we’ve found we have been good friends to each other and we really do value the time we spend together. While the being lovers part was pretty good, the other parts were pretty good to, sharing common interests, enjoying spending time together, having similar goals, similar but different enough to keep it interesting- perspectives on the world. And as we attempt to navigate another shot at romantic love, being good friends to each other is what is keeping us going. This means not being afraid to talk about and accept the difficult stuff. Things we need to work on stuff individually and as a couple. If I work on my own stuff, I am a stronger part of the partnership. If I work on some things in dialogue with my friend, we become stronger as partners to each other. It takes a great deal of humility to do this work, but if the love is there – and it is healthy and rewarding, it appears to be worth it. So, I’m gonna keep on trying.

    I also want to note that I now have a good friend in my ex-boyfriend, the person I dated before Mr. Three Hour Lunch Date. When things were not-so-great with Three Hour Lunch Date, I was able to literally cry on his shoulder. This is because my ex-boyfriend and I did a lot of hard work and had difficult conversations while we were dating. We were good friends with each other. And while we had some qualities that made us incompatible as lovers, we remain friends because we worked on improving our communication skills and had difficult conversations with each other. I did spend a good deal of time without my ex-boyfriend when we first broke up. There was a time when it was too painful to be around him. But now, we have a beautiful friendship and I don’t regret a moment of the work we did to make our relationship stronger while we were dating.

    -Blogging Owl

    • Now that’s good for you! The thing I like about what you said is that you grew stronger through learning how to deal with the situations you were in. Often times people give in to their circumstances. Instead of asking, “how can I solve this?” they end up saying, “this is too hard”. Good thing you did the right thing and became wiser. thank you so much for opening up and sharing. Stay blessed.

  2. hie I believe I find you well?. I find your writings inspirational, as individuals its our responsibility to make our impact felt in our respective spheres of contact.(1 samuel 17:29) david wasn’t in the army, yet he was moved by the plight of his people and chose to make an impact. I believe god is leading you the same way. I’m challenged by your article,certainly it is true that we find ourselves in relationships you mentioned leading into marriage. God is the initiator of marriage and his principle are still the same. He presents the woman to the man to archive his purpose in both individuals and to give them pleasure. Choosing a mate either way he or she can be a best friend, acquaintance only by the leading of the holy spirit. Finding out gods best choice for you,before deciding to enter a relationship with an individual, to be certain of your choice seeking guidance 1)god 2)in your local church through your pastor remembering god is a match maker he is all knowing never makes a mistake. God bless you always keep shining

  3. hie i believe i find you well? I find you articles inspirational as individuals is our responsibility its our responsibility to make our impact felt in our respective spheres of contact.(1 samuel17:29) David wasn’t in the army , yet he was moved by the plight of his people and chose to make an impact.I believe god is leading you the same way, God bless you always and keep shinning.

  4. hey Tari!
    I agree with you, where you meet usually sets the tone for the relationship. Personally, i wouldn’t marry an acquaintance. Like you said many unsuccessful marriages may have been avoided if people actually took time to got to know each other. At acquaintance level people generally show each other only what they want the other person to see. Imagine waking up married to a complete stranger because you didn’t take time to know them. Yes, there’s divorce if things don’t work out (cringe) but marriage really shouldn’t be trial and error

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s